The same week we left the west coast for Thailand, my parents left for a whirlwind trip through the Bible via Egypt, Jordan, and Israel, and my old friends Brandon and Fiona left for a cross country move that parallels ours in some ways. Life has changed so much for us this year already, it's hard to have any sense of what the rest of it holds. I've managed to accomplish one of my most passive goals that I had when I was overwhelmed by a very consistent routine:

I have no idea what day it is.
I have no context or reference points. My days are different from another, but not aligned with any particular day of the week.

Like a lot of things these days (tastes, smells, feelings, sights), I wish I could bottle some of it up and send it back to my former self, the one who craved this freedom and variety so much because I would be able to to better appreciate the sweetness of it all. I am trying to remain present and grateful in the midst of all this abundance.



Here is a video from our time in Seattle - I'm going out of order because I left some footage in Chiang Mai that I'll use to complete the middle of the story. Soon: Thailand! It's just so beautiful.

In the days and weeks surrounding our move, it was hard to think straight. Life consisted primarily of great hangouts, so many good-byes, and hard work finishing up remodeling projects and clearing out the house. I managed to jot down a thought or two over the days leading up to our ride out.

4/23 - Life is getting full and empty all at once.
Stark white primed walls and rich blues.
Deep connection and hollow awareness of impending separation.

4/24 - The most 'real' step towards the move today, the cats left with their foster momma.

4/25 - Our goodbye party is winding down outside as I decompress. So many wonderful people! It's just when you try to leave that you realize how connected you are, and it makes the tearing apart that much harder.

4/26 - Our sendoff at Solomon's Porch was beautiful. Shelley blessed our feet. My friends were holding my hands and arms and shared meaningful blessings. It was so beautiful to be sent off in the same place we were married, surrounded by love.



4/30 - Tory has had our "ride off" playlist ready for months. But Grooveshark died today! We'll have to piece it back together the best we can, yikes.

5/2 - Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has blessed us and helped us make this move happen!

Here is the first video in a series I am trying to do about our travels and global move. So much energy was hurtling towards riding off together at this time towards an unknown future. More to come!

We had a lot of fun at Tory's company party this spring. It was a red and silver masquerade theme, and Tory's only red clothing is his go-to Waldo costume. The entertainment was one of those traveling casino's where you get a certain amount of chips to play and the chips add up to raffle tickets to win prizes. I ended up doing alright with the higher scoring chips and had a little pile for myself at the end. We went to go look at the things you could raffle for and realized that since we're moving, we have no need for any STUFF. Big screen tv's, waffle makers, gadgets, and appliances. Winning would land us with more stuff on top of all the stuff I still need to sell or donate. So I gave my chips away to the nice girl who was trying to explain the process to me.

She was excited and I was excited. And it felt so free!

That's when I realized what giving money away could feel like. Often it feels so tight, when we have goals or bills. It makes me more committed to simplifying what "needs" are so we continue to feel the richness of this freedom of abundance.

I have been trying to figure out a way to insert intentionality into our upcoming life in Thailand.... all along Tory and I have been talking about being open to ways to have positive impact in a developing country, but we have also been really careful to make sure we're not trying to define those needs ourselves or insert our own judgements or "solutions" in a country we are new to.

But this "missionless" vision has the potential to set us up to lose focus and get swept up into a new equally fancy lifestyle there without ever re-establishing ways to live well there. One idea we had was that we could create a little fund that we would use to help out people and organizations as we encounter direct needs.

A few things I believe about giving (money).

- It is very complex. I would prefer the world be a fair place where everyone has enough and humans with extra money don't get to play 'god' and decide how to best allot it. Since this is not the situation we find ourselves in, I believe giving is better than not giving at all.

- A dollar can go really far in the developing world. GiveWell, a really helpful resource, outlines my suspicions well: http://www.givewell.org/giving101/Your-dollar-goes-further-overseas

- Giving within relationships often makes the most sense and impacts both the giver and receiver in unique ways.

- Our circles of influence are often segregated, making it hard to connect people who have money to give with people who would most greatly benefit from it.

We have so much money compared to the rest of the world and we are excited and blessed to be able to venture out into it. I'm inviting you on our journey (literally - come visit!) and hope to build a little network where people who want to give are connected across country borders and other lines, to people who can directly benefit.

I have no doubt that our move will connect us with people who will enrich our lives. I hope we can use all of the blessings we've received in ways that enrich the lives of those we meet as well. I don't think that money can help everything, but I love that this plan gives us a lens to be avidly looking for ways we can be a blessing to the world.

Friends and family, in just over a month, you will know someone who lives in Thailand! If you want to be part of our attempt to spread the love on the other side of the world, sign up on the Common Change website and join our group, "P2P Global Giving". 

When people find out we're moving to Thailand (!!!), there's a lot of questions, understandably so. A lot of times people ask if I'm nervous. At this point, my overwhelming emotion is excitement for our big move. It's a new chapter, a new place, a new lifestyle we get to build, and ultimately we are opening ourselves up to so many new opportunities for growth that are harder to come across when you're living in relatively the same patterns for 5+ years. It's hard to imagine leaving our friends and community, but I know this is the right time to go. I have no idea what we will be opening ourselves up to, but I'm excited.



So I am not nervous to go but I have been dealing with a fear that we won't make it. I trust Tory and I both that we are committed to the move. At this point, more and more pieces are falling into place and it feels guided by God. Like we've asked and now we shall receive. We're so close. So because I trust our desire and willingness to step into the unknown, I fear the unpredictable. The things that God does not wish upon us, but that he will guide us through. Hard lessons, natural disasters, skiing accidents, airplane crashes, letting my sweet love out of my sight. It's not an overwhelming fear but it's there, nagging me in a way that it wasn't before. Similarly, I sometimes tremble at how beautiful it is to have someone to love and to know. And with my whole body and spirit I glimpse and fear the deepness of the potential loss. I trust that God is guiding our path, but mainly because I have seen so many blessings. I don't know what it means to trust and follow him in the face of unbearable loss, or even in the face of small, unmet, human expectations.

All this points to how really truly blessed we are. I'm in awe of it. What I desire is gratefulness without fear. Without wondering when or if the bubble will pop. I want to trust God, not our own plans, to lead us through this beautiful, messy, wonderful life. This is my prayer for 2015.

• We have plenty of luxuries but we aren’t pulling out a credit card or cash in day to day life
• We decided to tip on meals so we could still use the expiring groupons and even went to the Dakota Jazz club for free dinner, drinks, and an awesome show on account of my work perks. Between the work perks and groupon deals, we find ourselves eating out about once a week - that’s plenty!
• Tomorrow we are planning to bike to First and First’s pop up Spyhouse coffee shop in North for a morning date because they are giving out free coffee until the end of the month! Keeping track of new and creative outings is something I would love to do more.
• The biggest puzzle for me so far this month came when I popped my bike tire on my way to work. I was debating whether I should stick with the letter of the law and do without a bike for the rest of the month or if I should go with the spirit of the freeze, spend the money on a new inner tube, and have a bike to ride for the rest of the month! But creativity and good community won out anyways when I posted my flat on facebook and Chelsea came my rescue! I would love to be more of a resource to my friends and community.

• On Sunday, Laine is hosting a clothing swap for friends. So I’ll be able to share some of the excess I’ve been building up and leave with a few special new things. Swapping is free!
• I even went “shopping” at American Apparel last weekend to try on some things that I can add to my family’s Christmas list
• The CSA from Farmfarm has made the food portion of the spending freeze non-existent. We have a constant influx of fresh veggies, and this has been invaluable!
• And of course, people are kind and generous around us and we are spoiled by a bought beer or lunch or chai. Practicing both gratefulness and generosity is a constant goal for me.